Effects of Alcoholism on the Family

BEGIN DOWNHILL SLIDE

ALCOHOLIC FAMILY

drinking episodes fairly infrequent

ATTEMPTS TO DENY THE PROBLEM

Shame------feelings of embarrassment, humiliation

Discussion of drinking episode------discussion of drinking episode

promises

making up------making up, ideal role playing

ideal role playing------false hope

recurrent drinking------disappointment, hurt, confusion

------advice seeking from relatives and friends

------trial and error

ATTEMPTS TO ELIMINATE THE PROBLEM

------social isolation

------loss of perspective

------drinking becomes focus of anxiety

------drinking blamed for all problems

------feelings they are “different”

------attempts to cover up

resentments------resentments

lack of communication------lack of communication

------loss of self-worth, feelings of failure

periods of sobriety------guilt, false hope, temporary gain in self-worth, euphoria

recurrent drinking------efforts to control

------obsession with drinking

------concentration on short-term goals

------attempts to maintain illusion of happy home

------self pity

------protection of children

------dependence on children’s affection for emotional support

------anger and anxiety

pleasant interactions with children-----jealously of children’s affection for alcoholic

------attempts to involve children in trying to control the alcoholic

------loss of creativeness

DISORGANIZATION

------hopelessness

Non-drinking periods-----skepticism

recurrent drinking------tension

------nagging, silent treatment

------children torn in loyalties, confused, terrified

inconsistent behavior-----behavior problems in children

-----violence–relief and shame

unreasonable demands-----compulsive behavior

-----fear of insanity

-----avoidance of sex

loss of job, violence

Outside Help Sought

-----guilt, loss of self-respect and self-confidence

-----chaos

-----fear

-----inability to make decisions and follow through

ATTEMPTS TO REORGANIZE IN SPITE OF PROBLEMS

------crisis occurs when requires action

(wife returns to work, possible separation, etc.)

-----wife becomes manager, discipliner, decision-making, controller, assuming husband and father roles

-----alcoholic is ignored

-----reorganization of priorities, with children first

-----pity for alcoholic

attempts to undermine discipline------children ignore alcoholic

desperate attempts to regain children’s affection-----children’s acceptance

of drinking as permanent

open expression of resentments against children

abuse

feelings of isolation-----outside activities increase

attempts to enter circle of warmth or smash it

Increase in Money Problems, Violence, Accidents, Illness, Bizarre Behavior

attempts to stop drinking-----hope is rekindled

repeated drinking-----hope is destroyed

-----social agencies frequently consulted

-----Al-Anon—increase in stability and self worth

-----no attempts to cover up drinking

*EFFORTS TO ESCAPE

decision to separate or divorce due to:

-----near catastrophes

-----accumulated problems

-----emotional problems

-----practical difficulties

-----damage to children

BEGIN UPWARD SWING

REORGANIZATION OF PART OF THE FAMILY

same problems as other divorced families with additions

continued drunken behavior-----interference with job and life in general

possible continued violence-----children upset

-----guilt about deserting sick man

RECOVERY/REORGANIZATION OF WHOLE FAMILY

unrealistic expectations

reorganization of roles

fear and lack of truest

poor communication

resentments

feelings of superiority

*EFFORTS TO ESCAPE

Difficulties to overcome:

where to go, money, avoidance of further violence

attempts at sobriety and resultant feelings of guilt

threats of violence or suicide

children’s criticism in staying or leaving

relative’s withdrawal of support

relatives antagonism toward alcoholic, and resultant defensiveness

conflicting advice of helping agencies

delays in receiving help

Before decision to separate can be made, wife must:

resolve conflicts about self and husband

give up hope for marriage